Shocking

"If wild my breast and sore my pride,/I bask in dreams of suicide,/If cool my heart and high my head/I think 'How lucky are the dead.'" -Dorothy Parker

The spark of an idea
The flick of the knife
The spark from the wall
Life flicks out of sight

What is this sensation?
What is this feeling?
What am I to do?

Pain, sorrow, Regret
Overwhelming the senses
The reading of an epithet
The soul building its fences

The spark of an idea
The call made
Now wait for the aid

The flick of the knife
Difficult is the idea of ending a life
Shortening the journey to the afterlife

Here comes the response to the call
Out flies the spark from the wall
They both fall

First goes the light
He cannot hear the cries of her plight
Another light flicks out of sight
Forever

When all is said and done
Her guilt weighs a ton
Out goes the light of the sun
And with it, her son

That Which I Hate

"Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one." -Friedrich Nietzsche


Fear envelops me
Creeping into every corner of my mind
Seeping through the cracks of my soul

The coldness of death breathes down my neck
A tingling sensation rolling down my spine
I fly

His steps echo mine
The piercing screams shatter my ear drums
Trapped in these cursed doldrums I run
Paying no heed to the shrieks surrounding me
I continue on

A sense of macabre washing over me
The eeriness of this wretched world running through me
Piercing my heart

Unable to escape
He's always behind me
Just waiting for me to fall

Out of breath
Can't run anymore
The tromp of his boots grow louder

Soul rising
Shuddering, I turn
Facing him head on

Take a stand
I run no more
Put up your guard, death
Here I come

The clash of metal
Ice creeps onto me
Cold, merciless, unfeeling

Slain, death withers away
The cold shrouds my soul
The same cold that I feared
Unmerciful feelings cloud my thoughts
Malice floods my heart

Fear envelops me once again

I have become


That Which I Hate

Thoughts of a Fractured Soul

Ever-wandering
Ever-yearning
Lost in the carpal tunnel of confusion

Running forever
Fleeing from the pain
Hiding in every place imaginable

He is looking for Something
To numb it
To soothe it
To end it

He cannot escape it
A touch of destiny
Fated to wander forever in heartbreak

The pain
The sorrow
The rage
He feels it all

Like a child covered in blood
It never touched him but he's drowning in it

A cloud of witnesses surround him
He can hear them all and they're saying nothing

A shadow lurks in the dark
He cannot run fast enough
It has come



Will the pain ever leave?

Broken

Staring into the mirror
Cloudy eyes of a heartless being
Opened up to the things unseen

Dull, lifeless
Grief-stricken, flooded with fear
They yearn for redemption

The soul cries out
Searching for things lost
They're all gone

Driven by desperation
Looking for salvation
Everywhere but where it is

Looking through broken glasses
A blurred vision
Nothing is clear anymore

A tear-stained trail
Flowing from the medicine cabinet to the bed
Blood follows

An essence fracture
Nothing is the same anymore
Hope is lost

All grace falls
All hope falls
I fall

Untitled

One look in the mirror
What do I see?
Two beady eyes looking back at me

Every secret, every regret draws me nearer
They're there in the eyes
Through them, I can hear the soul's cries

A window into the soul some say
I daresay not
All I see are regretful memories forgot

Clouds in the pupils remind me of a rainy day
Tears of the soul
Making me again whole

Redemption is what the eyes beckon
Death is what comes
Beating its deafening war drums

The soul is but barren
Crying out for a drop of water
An owl in the tree the watcher
Does nothing

Busted [Conscience]

Oh shit!
We fucked up big time today
What's happening to me?

Laziness
Despair
Sin

Signs of a decaying soul
Beginning of the end for us
Death is here

Cheater
Liar
Fraud

Busted by the teach
Caught red-handed
All eight of us

Broken
Gone
Crucified

Give me the sheet he says
More lies ensue
Morals are lost

Shattered
An Essence Fracture
Shame

You son of a bitch!
We're screwed
Freaking fuck tards

Confusion
Offenses
Hate

One more chance
Redeem ourselves
Where did we go wrong?

Melancholy
Accusations
Derision

Damn, you guys are screwed
Shut the fuck up
What the hell?

Gloom
Bitterness
Responsibility

Just do it
Fine, whatever
Goddammit...





Kill me

Lord Send Revival, Start With Me

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:6-9

Oh God, help me.

Spiritual Death

"So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.'" Luke 16:24

i am dying.

slowly, day by day, i can feel a little more of myself wither away. i have fallen far from the Lord's presence.

it's as if i am limping aimlessly in this suffocating heat that may very well be Satan's domain. cut off from my vine, i can no longer live a life pleasing to Him. i fear the Lord is no longer by my side. i feel as though Christ has abandoned me on the roadside to leave me to die.

i can't feel anything anymore. hate, love, anger, distress, joy. all emotions have left me. i am a heartless wanderer in the inferno that is this earth. without my shepherd, i am doomed to drift throughout this world without neither meaning nor purpose.

i am dead.

Done

I'm Done

Done with this nonsense
Finished with this bullshit

Done with putting up with me
Done with the annoyance that is of me

Done with lies
Done with deceit
Resolve has strengthened me

Finished with deception
Finished with lying to myself
Finished with the laziness that is mine

Done with evil
Done with this disease called sin
Done with the vengeful thoughts

Finished with limping on
Finished with the mask
Finished with this shell

I'm Done
I'm ready to live