"Love"

What is love?
What does it do?
What is its purpose in flogging my heart?

Tis not what I wanted
I do not desire to torment my heart
But is everything I yearn for

What is a tree?
Slow hard growth
What is a flower?
Swift soft flesh
Is love both? neither?

Love is patient
Love is kind
It does not begrudge

It is selfless
Everlasting
Unconditional
Selfish

Is love the need to see happiness on her face?
Despite your agony?
Or is it a need for her in your life?
Despite her cries to be let alone?

Love is many things
It is a desire to see that person smile
It is a selfish want for a companion

Love alone is strong enough
To move mountains
To swim the deepest oceans
To run the largest deserts

It is amazing
An amazing love
It can conquer all

Is it not also amazing
How love is the same path
As insanity?

A Way with Words

I've always had a way with words. From a young age, I was blessed with an unusually large vocabulary and a certain eloquence that went along nicely with it. With those two God-given qualities, I was able to not only build up my friends and encourage them, but I was also equally successful in tearing people down and destroying their self-esteem. What I never realised, though, was how badly I had torn up those I so cruelly attacked with my words. They could have beaten me all they wanted and it would all be in vain because I could still shatter their soul in a matter of seconds (not to mention the fact that I could just as easily beat them senseless as well). Despite my aptness in oration, I never fully comprehended the sheer potency of the raw power that words possessed.

Today, I learned that the most powerful bombs and the largest army in the world had no power against a "correctly" formulated sentence. How did I learn that? The answer is paradoxically both simple and complex: I tore down my dad.

It all started when my dad asked me to pray with him and my mom for forgiveness from God. Initially, I said no because I honestly did not see the need for it at the time and I honestly did not care for such a thing. However, he pressed on ever persistently to win me over. In the back of my mind, I knew he knew that I always did things alone and that if he did not realize that right then and there, he would pay dearly for such a blunder, which he unfortunately did. Eventually, I was fed up with his incessant nagging and I began to fire back with a volley of my own. I tried to remind him that I worked alone and that I had confessed to God but he still talked about how it was still important to do this as a family.

I do not know whether it was the work of my flair for perverse and extemporaneous retorts or if it was the work of the Devil, but I quietly and sadistically told him that I did not believe that we were a family.

It was then that I saw the lifeblood of his argument drain from his face. I saw the walls come crashing down against the weight of my riposte. I had broken him and I had thrust the fatal knife of betrayal deep into his heart.

Her

Things have been a lot different for me lately. I don't see things the same way I used to, people have come in and out of my life, and one particular person, however, just so happened to light up like the Eiffel Tower in France at night and I will admit right now that this person is indeed a girl.

I don't fully understand why she caught my attention so....powerfully (I actually went online to find a better synonym for this word but I couldn't). I remember that we were friends back at St. Mark's, but after we graduated, we went to separate high schools. After that, our friendship waned, but she was still there in the back of my mind tugging at me. I recall at some point in freshman year, I believe, that during Friday night fellowship, a friend delivered a note from her to me. I was immediately filled to two emotions: excitement (that I'd finally gotten form of communication from her) and confusion (Why would she write me a letter?). She would also call me from time to time (the reason I didn't call was because I didn't have her number o.O) and we would talk for a long time.

Some part of me was ecstatic when she called, yet another part of me longed for a better way to get in touch with her. Then life presented to me one of its wonderful opportunities: Facebook. After my first short-term mission trip in TJ, my friend, Ivan, (at least I think it was him) told me to get a facebook profile, so I did. Amidst the frenzy of adding new friends and seeking out others, I chanced upon that same girl. I quickly added her and waited eagerly for a response. She added me and we started to exchange wall posts. Soon after, she prodded me to get MSN (and eventually AIM, which was something I practically swore to avoid getting) and...I did.

...

I absolutely cannot go even one hour without thinking about her and it's killing me. I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm so scared she'd reject me. If she did reject me, not only would I practically die, but I'd probably lose my best friend as well. It's not her looks or any physical aspect about her that I adore, it's the fact that she makes me smile every single time I talk to her. No matter how shitty a day I had at school or if I had an argument with my friends or parents, she somehow always manages to make me feel all fuzzy and gleeful on the inside. To lose her would be like losing my heart (oh God, that sounds so selfish and lame). I asked God to help me but He hasn't given me an answer. I want her to see me as more than a friend and I want her to be more than a friend, but I'm so scared that if I push this, I'll push her away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-At6avvY_4