Things have been a lot different for me lately. I don't see things the same way I used to, people have come in and out of my life, and one particular person, however, just so happened to light up like the Eiffel Tower in France at night and I will admit right now that this person is indeed a girl.
I don't fully understand why she caught my attention so....powerfully (I actually went online to find a better synonym for this word but I couldn't). I remember that we were friends back at St. Mark's, but after we graduated, we went to separate high schools. After that, our friendship waned, but she was still there in the back of my mind tugging at me. I recall at some point in freshman year, I believe, that during Friday night fellowship, a friend delivered a note from her to me. I was immediately filled to two emotions: excitement (that I'd finally gotten form of communication from her) and confusion (Why would she write me a letter?). She would also call me from time to time (the reason I didn't call was because I didn't have her number o.O) and we would talk for a long time.
Some part of me was ecstatic when she called, yet another part of me longed for a better way to get in touch with her. Then life presented to me one of its wonderful opportunities: Facebook. After my first short-term mission trip in TJ, my friend, Ivan, (at least I think it was him) told me to get a facebook profile, so I did. Amidst the frenzy of adding new friends and seeking out others, I chanced upon that same girl. I quickly added her and waited eagerly for a response. She added me and we started to exchange wall posts. Soon after, she prodded me to get MSN (and eventually AIM, which was something I practically swore to avoid getting) and...I did.
...
I absolutely cannot go even one hour without thinking about her and it's killing me. I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm so scared she'd reject me. If she did reject me, not only would I practically die, but I'd probably lose my best friend as well. It's not her looks or any physical aspect about her that I adore, it's the fact that she makes me smile every single time I talk to her. No matter how shitty a day I had at school or if I had an argument with my friends or parents, she somehow always manages to make me feel all fuzzy and gleeful on the inside. To lose her would be like losing my heart (oh God, that sounds so selfish and lame). I asked God to help me but He hasn't given me an answer. I want her to see me as more than a friend and I want her to be more than a friend, but I'm so scared that if I push this, I'll push her away.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-At6avvY_4
I don't fully understand why she caught my attention so....powerfully (I actually went online to find a better synonym for this word but I couldn't). I remember that we were friends back at St. Mark's, but after we graduated, we went to separate high schools. After that, our friendship waned, but she was still there in the back of my mind tugging at me. I recall at some point in freshman year, I believe, that during Friday night fellowship, a friend delivered a note from her to me. I was immediately filled to two emotions: excitement (that I'd finally gotten form of communication from her) and confusion (Why would she write me a letter?). She would also call me from time to time (the reason I didn't call was because I didn't have her number o.O) and we would talk for a long time.
Some part of me was ecstatic when she called, yet another part of me longed for a better way to get in touch with her. Then life presented to me one of its wonderful opportunities: Facebook. After my first short-term mission trip in TJ, my friend, Ivan, (at least I think it was him) told me to get a facebook profile, so I did. Amidst the frenzy of adding new friends and seeking out others, I chanced upon that same girl. I quickly added her and waited eagerly for a response. She added me and we started to exchange wall posts. Soon after, she prodded me to get MSN (and eventually AIM, which was something I practically swore to avoid getting) and...I did.
...
I absolutely cannot go even one hour without thinking about her and it's killing me. I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm so scared she'd reject me. If she did reject me, not only would I practically die, but I'd probably lose my best friend as well. It's not her looks or any physical aspect about her that I adore, it's the fact that she makes me smile every single time I talk to her. No matter how shitty a day I had at school or if I had an argument with my friends or parents, she somehow always manages to make me feel all fuzzy and gleeful on the inside. To lose her would be like losing my heart (oh God, that sounds so selfish and lame). I asked God to help me but He hasn't given me an answer. I want her to see me as more than a friend and I want her to be more than a friend, but I'm so scared that if I push this, I'll push her away.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-At6avvY_4
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