I think my loathing of this place grows slowly after each passing day.
Back in LA, I suppose you could say I was a person of relative importance. But here, I'm nothing. I'm just a little California boy who's two shades too dark and completely blinded by the flood of plaid everywhere.
I guess the reason why I love to travel so much is because I never felt like I belonged in one particular place, so I kept moving around trying to find it. I once thought that when I was in Hong Kong, I'd feel "right," but I didn't, so I kept looking. Freshman year in high school, I jumped at the chance to fly over to Europe for about 10 days. The trip was wonderful, but it wasn't what I was looking for either.
The strangest thing is that I never really felt like I fit anywhere. Ever since I was a kid, I felt the presence of this strange wall of glass that followed me everywhere, keeping me separated from everyone else. The same went for high school and at church, even. I never felt like I fit. I couldn't find that one place that "clicked" with me. I've always been that odd puzzle piece that didn't quite fit anywhere.
I thought that by going to Seattle, I'd find this "home" that everybody else seems to have, but I've only come up empty.
Back in LA, I suppose you could say I was a person of relative importance. But here, I'm nothing. I'm just a little California boy who's two shades too dark and completely blinded by the flood of plaid everywhere.
I guess the reason why I love to travel so much is because I never felt like I belonged in one particular place, so I kept moving around trying to find it. I once thought that when I was in Hong Kong, I'd feel "right," but I didn't, so I kept looking. Freshman year in high school, I jumped at the chance to fly over to Europe for about 10 days. The trip was wonderful, but it wasn't what I was looking for either.
The strangest thing is that I never really felt like I fit anywhere. Ever since I was a kid, I felt the presence of this strange wall of glass that followed me everywhere, keeping me separated from everyone else. The same went for high school and at church, even. I never felt like I fit. I couldn't find that one place that "clicked" with me. I've always been that odd puzzle piece that didn't quite fit anywhere.
I thought that by going to Seattle, I'd find this "home" that everybody else seems to have, but I've only come up empty.
A sense of not belonging is pretty common experience that occurs whenever someone is in the very first stages of adapting to a new environment. I hope that you feel a little more welcomed now. However, I can identify with never feeling like you belong regardless of where you travel. Except, I've always felt more abstract whenever I have the feeling that I am the odd one out. Which is pretty frequent actually, because I've lived a very unusual life. ...On a happier note, "blinded by the flood of plaid" is a rather unique Seattle experience, and you made me laugh when I read that you had observed that! haha
ReplyDeleteSorry, did not mean to come across as insensitive. Of course I have no idea what this feels like for you... however, I can relate to feeling like an outsider. That is all I meant by my comment! Thanks for sharing your blog with me, and I hope their is no hard feelings. Your a pretty cool guy, and I really enjoyed reading your posts. :)
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