Something happened on Thursday.
I was talking to a friend with whom I haven't spoken to in a while. She was having problems with a "former friend" of hers. Amidst the conversation, near its conclusion, she said something to me that I do not wish to repeat in its entirety. The gist of it was that she used to think she was a good person, but I inadvertently made her feel like a bad person.
Now what was that? I hadn't said anything to hurt her. I was trying to understand her situation and maybe try to help her deal with it, that's all. I think it was the way I tried to explain to her why I did things the way I did them in a situation quite similar to her's.
It was because I was "too good."
When I first thought of that, the idea puzzled me. How could someone be too good? It didn't make any sense. Was such a thing possible? But I soon realized the truth of it: my being "too good" made others feel something along the lines of inadequate or sub-par. Then I realized something else: I had been doing this to my friends for a long time. I recall a time when I took the May SAT II with another friend. Later, when the scores came out, I asked her what she had scored on her US History SAT II, but she wouldn't tell me. She didn't want to tell me because she thought I would make fun of her score because it was too low. But in reality, I really didn't care about the level at which the score was, I just wanted to know the score.
But, I'm not a good person. I'm nowhere near close to the definition of "good" or "righteous" or "holy." I only have an 80% in my AP Bio class because I'm missing 6 assignments, 5 of which are labs. I only have 93% in AP English when I could have well over 115%, but I don't because I'm missing 13 assignments. I don't know what I have in APUSH, but last time I checked, i had an 80 something percent. I'm lazy and I'm just coasting by on the bare minimum. That is not the definition of a good person. Whenever a person says that I'm good, or in this case, too good, all it does is kill me inside.
It doesn't matter if people say that I am "good," or "too good." Either way, it's not what I am. I will never be "good."
I was talking to a friend with whom I haven't spoken to in a while. She was having problems with a "former friend" of hers. Amidst the conversation, near its conclusion, she said something to me that I do not wish to repeat in its entirety. The gist of it was that she used to think she was a good person, but I inadvertently made her feel like a bad person.
Now what was that? I hadn't said anything to hurt her. I was trying to understand her situation and maybe try to help her deal with it, that's all. I think it was the way I tried to explain to her why I did things the way I did them in a situation quite similar to her's.
It was because I was "too good."
When I first thought of that, the idea puzzled me. How could someone be too good? It didn't make any sense. Was such a thing possible? But I soon realized the truth of it: my being "too good" made others feel something along the lines of inadequate or sub-par. Then I realized something else: I had been doing this to my friends for a long time. I recall a time when I took the May SAT II with another friend. Later, when the scores came out, I asked her what she had scored on her US History SAT II, but she wouldn't tell me. She didn't want to tell me because she thought I would make fun of her score because it was too low. But in reality, I really didn't care about the level at which the score was, I just wanted to know the score.
But, I'm not a good person. I'm nowhere near close to the definition of "good" or "righteous" or "holy." I only have an 80% in my AP Bio class because I'm missing 6 assignments, 5 of which are labs. I only have 93% in AP English when I could have well over 115%, but I don't because I'm missing 13 assignments. I don't know what I have in APUSH, but last time I checked, i had an 80 something percent. I'm lazy and I'm just coasting by on the bare minimum. That is not the definition of a good person. Whenever a person says that I'm good, or in this case, too good, all it does is kill me inside.
It doesn't matter if people say that I am "good," or "too good." Either way, it's not what I am. I will never be "good."
haha, you talkin about me paul? --Amy Lee
ReplyDeleteNot just you, actually. A lot of people won't tell me their scores. >.>
ReplyDelete