Wednesday, September 10, 2008

denied

"To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human."
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

which quote is true? can they both be? do u even know where they come from?

it doesn't matter where the first quote comes from (although, if you do study it carefully, you just might remember). it's the second that you should know. "cross" "follow me" those are the words of Christ himself. (it comes from the gospel of Mark)

which do i follow? both? is that even possible?

we are obviously human, no question about it. but does this mean that by denying ourselves, we are no longer human? that we must give up our humanity to follow Christ? the thought scares me. to no longer be a part of anything of this world and leave everything behind to follow the Messiah. the choice is simple, black on white, crystal clear, whatever's the appropriate simile for you. Follow Christ. but making the choice is easy, it's actually trying to follow through is hard.

can i really give up all of this? can i just drop it all on the side of the road and pursue Christ with heart, soul, and mind?

probably. we were never meant to be a permanent part of this world. our bodies are just temporary holding cells for our souls until we go up to heaven and yet, so much ties us to this world. our possessions and desires keep us down. we can never be free to follow God if we're shackled by our wants and impulses.

i have lusted for this world, and i still do. all the things it offers are so enticing that i'm right at the edge. but something's holding me back, keeping me from taking that plunge. it's the one thing i want that's being kept from me by other wants. it's a tug-of-war here; one side is the world and the other is Jesus. both are pulling me so strongly that i'm about to break. i'm at the brink of falling to my knees and never being able to be with the eternal One. i'm so close to the edge that i can hear death's footsteps echoing mine so perfectly that it's almost a part of me.

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